I don’t know what it is but I feel since I’ve become a mom, learning to love myself has become very difficult. I mean, the guilt of feeding my daughter left overs or ordering another happy meal, the guilt of her not being entertained enough with creative activities at home, the guilt of working!, the guilt of even buying myself something nice. I mean, I can go from store to store buying her an entire new wardrobe, but if I’m wandering at Target, I’ll pick up a shirt for me and have to convince myself that I really like it, put it into my cart, and walk around with it for 30 minutes before putting it back on the rack after I’ve rationalized in my head that I really don’t need it. Mom guilt is so real guys!
We recently enrolled June into dance class. She’s old enough now where I can drop her off to class, go do whatever I please for 45 minutes and come back to pick her up. After 3 weeks (3 classes) of watching her through the window and staying there from start to finish, tonight I felt brave enough to leave her to run some errands (buying candy for her Valentines Day party on Thursday). When I returned to pick her up, 10 minutes before her class was over, another mom came over to me and told me that June needed to pee and that before I leave again next time, I should take her to use the restroom before class starts. Little did she know that we’re still potty training June and she had a diaper on the entire time during class. But you guys, I felt horrible after playing that scenario in my head. My mom guilt came over me again. I mean, should I have left her? What if she really needed me when she told the teacher she needed to pee, even if she had a diaper on! I made it a point to tell that mom that June has a diaper on anyways. I mean, she probably didn’t mean to make me feel bad about the situation but please, please whether you are a mom or not, it is so important to be kind to one another and to not make assumptions.
As June is getting older, I find myself getting more frustrated and catch myself raising my voice more than I would like. She’s a little toddler now, has her own opinions and her own little voice. I go to bed sometimes feeling guilty – looking over her and wishing I showed a little more kindness to her on those kinds of “bad days”. But when she wakes up in the morning and puts her two hands with the palm of her hands resting on my checks and says “good morning mommy”…. Oh gosh, I hope I am doing something right.
This year, I’m making it a goal to focus more on myself. And I am such a firm believer that when I am able to take care of myself, I am a better person, therefore a better mom. I’ve integrated little things: lighting a candle in the morning, exercising, doing my nails more, staying organize, reading, etc, to help me with this self care and love process.
But mom guilt is so real ladies. And if you’re reading this, have felt overwhelmed, crying, had a bad day with your child/children, feel like your spouse didn’t show enough support, frustrated: I wish to tell you that you’re doing a great job and if today wasn’t your day: start over tomorrow with a happy heart and lastly, learn to love yourself.
Kay.
